Life is about making mistakes. So, what I'm about to tell you, none of it is fake. #BAREWITHME.
I have been in the trenches for the past year because a lot of people I cared about, I found out didn't care much for me. There I was, on my knees, unable to see. You might be reading this like, "why didn't you say something?" I couldn't. For myself, I needed to find my own way out. Don't forget I'm a young guy, I don't always have the answers. I have issues just like you have issues. I tried to play nice with them. For a moment I thought, "do I have to be them, just to please 'em." But then who would that make me? They were tearing me apart, even though I loved them with all my heart. Every dagger they sunk in, I hid from view, but the blood always bled through.
I let the things they did, the things they said... I allowed them to be okay. Because I was Christian that meant I had to forgive and forget. But that's so hard to do when you're the one who's been hurt. This perfect life that everyone saw from the outside, was just an idea, just a cover up for what was really going on behind closed doors. People are not nice in this world, they don't have your best interest at heart, and no matter how much you love them, you have to remember there are those people that will use your heart against you. So, when it came to be between them or me. I chose me. The fragile skinny kid in the mirror deserved his chance in the sun. After cheering so many others on, and encouraging them to be great. It was his time to shine.
One by one, I started cutting them out of my life. For me it was worth the loss because they came at too high a cost.
I built a stronger mind, stronger body and better spirit. That was my revenge! Not on them, but on the old me, who cared about them. The old me could never compete with the new me. So why would I ever want to go back? See what clicked for me, was I could not control them, only me and my actions. Where that could have been my end, instead it's where I started to mend. You can see your life as falling apart or falling into place. With them gone, it wasn't long before I found where I belong. I started to smile more, laugh louder, do things I never thought were okay to do and most of all focus on me and my self-development.
Getting in shape and putting myself first wasn't revenge on them, it was revenge on the old me who cared about them.
People will hurt you and let you down all the time. Even your wife or husband. You have no control over that, but you can control how it affects you. You don't have to take responsibility for their actions but you have to take responsibility for your own. And if the relationship is causing you to say and do things that you are not proud of. You can't blame them. You said those things, you did those things. You have to look at yourself and be like, why did I react like that and how can I change myself to be better because of it.
What I learned most is regardless if you are a friend, family member, lover, colleague or partner; all of these are forms of relationships. Treated differently, but still threads in the fabric of our existences. If a thread won't hold, replace it with a new thread. Don't be afraid to cut people out of your life that just aren't working for your tapestry.
Even if they are family.
Sometimes it is not an extreme case where you have to cut people off, that was just my story. Maybe for you, it's a matter of "whoa, I need to love that person from a distance." They can't be in my circle.
Your life matters. Your happiness matters. You cannot rely on anyone else to put those things first. It's human nature. You have to put those things first for you.
So, am I saying be selfish and a loner? No. I'm saying before you can be happy for someone else, you have to be happy with yourself. Before you can be around anyone else, you have to know yourself. Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself.
I got beat up a bit before I realized this, I hope the same doesn't happen to you.
This past year raised me, I am not that boy you use to know. The old me is a long-gone memory. Thank God, I have a new heartbeat inside of me.
This is the BEST ME.