I was so inspired by the end of my blog post last week I wanted to talk about this more. The fear of LOVE. Four words. You're reading this and I'm about to take you to church! Listen closely, your boy has been trying to give you signs. But truth is He's afraid.
LOVE forces maturity into a man who may not be ready.
When a man enters a relationship instinctively he becomes more protective. He feels he no longer is responsible for his own life. But now, it's his duty to protect his Partner's life as well. This causes a sense of pressure on him to give up some of the things he use to do. Fear sets in of losing his friends, his independence and some times selfish, reckless behavior. In his mind it's a battle of the bands. This causes an internal battle in his heart that will take time to overcome in order to be a better provider and protector of his spouse. Now this may sound primitive and barbaric, but it's completely true, no matter the man's sexuality is.
So my recommendation, give him time to make a smooth balance in his mind and heart. Fend off the fear by encouraging him to go hang out with his friends. Showing some independence. When it's poker night, go out with your girlfriends. I mean come on, you're probably with your girls right now reading this, while she pours some more Merlot.
LOVE makes a man vulnerable.
Men pretend to be cold as ice. But the one thing that melts them faster than home-style chicken noodle soup like mama use to make, is love tugging on his heart strings. When a man is in love he is more vulnerable to being hurt. More importantly, a hurt that is just simply out of his control. He can not control your feelings there for he is at the end of your sword and his neck is fully exposed.
You think a man's heart don't break? Just because you saw him with that person two days later, doesn't mean two weeks later his face wont be in his pillow missing the good times. Men are more inclined to have an aftershock. Where the loss hits them hard long after the initial quake. So, to avoid your man from being engulfed by this fear...early in the relationship, don't give him signs or red flags. This will instantly close him up and make it harder for him to get those four letters out. In order for that wall to come down, it needs trust reassurance and patience.
LOVE opens the door for rejection.
All the voices in his head get loud, that he wishes he could shut them up. It's a real fear. If they say it first will you say you feel the same way? Then what happens when you know how he truly feels? Will you take advantage of it? Will he be begging you for mercy while you drag him through a long uncertainty before you say you love him? These are all the things that go through a man's head. But if you are confident in the relationship, you may have to say it first, and be confident in that regardless if he says it back. Just be honest with your feelings from the start. Also be honest with your intentions. Don't let him down by getting to a point of saying it, then changing yourmind.
Now these headers are of course not something that happens with every guy, there are other reasons from history, circumstance, and age that could also make your man feel afraid to love. But as his partner, it's up to you to understand him. Be patient, every relationship is going to require different attentions to the details of what encompasses your happiness. Don't let his fear destroy would could be an amazing thing.